Sunday, October 17, 2010

Warning! Don't Attempt This Recipie Unless You Want To Send Someone To A Butter Death In A Buttery Grave

This will be the first blog that doesn't include the recipe name in the title. But I didn't want to fool you with a great picture and the inviting title of Sticky Buns and make you think this was a good recipe. It was awful. And I think I actually lost a year of life with every bite I took. But here comes the story. So I saw this recipe on Barefoot Contessa. Yes. Ina again! I trusted her to play a part in my culinary exploration yet again only to be disappointed. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that I got a successful savory recipe from her recently. A recipe that turned out so good I completely forgot about the 10 sticks of butter buttercream she tricked me into frosting my chocolate cake with. Well I didn't completely forget but it was enough to get me to attempt another one of her recipes. But after this disaster Ina will have to come to my home and beg and plea to me in person to ever grace this blog again. Surprising the recipe looked very good on her show, which is why I wanted to try it in the first place. I mean Sticky Buns, how can you go wrong. But trust me. Please don't let the picture fool you. I almost didn't want to include the picture but after much thought I realized the picture followed by this story will be the perfect way to express the trickery of Ina Garten. The luscious sticky buns sitting on the wax paper tray just calling your name mixed with the painful story of butter overload. The plan almost wrote itself. But back to the story. I want to make it very clear that I followed the recipe. To the exact measurements. I am very anal and precise when it comes to recipes so I can assure you this was no error of mine. Nope. It was all Ina, or shall I call her Barefoot Contessa to lesson the slander of her real name. I creamed the butter and sugar, placed 1 of the 12 tablespoons the recipe called for in to each cupcake mold. I melted even more butter and brushed it onto the already butter puff pastry and added sugar, cinnamon and rolled up my dough. Everything I did was just like I saw it on the TV show. Now I saw how much butter was in each cupcake mold and I thought it was a lot and I know that puff pastry is 50% butter but I trusted Ina. Foolish me. When my sticky buns came out of the oven they smelled delicious. My house filled with the scent of cinnamon and sugar which is never a bad thing. That scent was only a facade because when I un-molded my buns they were not that puffy. They looked very sticky which was to be expected but they also looked greasy. One bite and I was in butter shock omega. I could not taste anything but butter. Not the cinnamon, not the sugar, not anything but butter. My mother tried to be nice and eat one but I saw the life slowly slip out of her as she took each bite. My dad, the baker, said they were not that bad but I know it was his attempt to make me feel better. It would be as if Picasso told you your finger painting my kindergarten was "not that bad." After all was done I stabbed a knife into one sticky bun and called them dead. I had to kill then before they could kill me. Ina-This recipe nearly killed me. Readers-Do Not Attempt

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